Social Media Magicians Gifts

"I'll photoshop this before I post it on Facebook to make it look like I'm eating a smaller portion."

Lynching on social media

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'How fast can you hype?'

Selfie Stick

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

"Eye of Newt, wing of bat, let's instagram it!"

So that's it? I've tweeted a risque photo of my bicep. What happens next? We wait for the outpouring. I'm ready. Bring on the outrage. C'mon media! Let's hear your disgust that some old man would brazenly send such a lascivious photo. Then, with the world looking at me, I'll astound them with my idea of a universal health care system! Wait. Wait. Not yet. it's time for my first nap of the day. Can we do this later? What? Zzzzz. Best way for this to end.

We pay the maximum minimum wage.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

"Remember, Katie, genius is 10% inspiration and 80% media manipulation."

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

"Well, at least one of us passed the emoji eye exam..."

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

'It's the philosophy of the company that truth in advertising begins at home.'

"This one comes with a special undo function for erasing any stupid thing you've done or said in your entire life. It doesn't really work, of course, but it's SUPER fun to play with!"

'But what do you sell?'

Go on! Pick a card.

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'

'Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public. Ethical advertising uses the truth to deceive the public.'

"Love's OK, but there's no money in it. For the right price, I could help people fall in love with your products."

'My nephew Richie can download all your work from the internet for free. You are all fired.'

Free Internet Access

"Wait, the ventilator...does it have wi-fi?"

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

"Let's be honest here and admit we're targeting the 'stupid-with-their-money' demographic."

'Why don't we do what we always do when sales lag, write 'New and improved' on the box...'

'Wow, Ed! You look so much younger! Cosmetic surgery?' 'No. Digital enhancement!'

'Sure, our expertise keeps ‘em here, but Mom's cookies get them through the door!'

"Careful how ya handle 'em Joe! They like to follow one another but they kin also turn nasty mighty quick!"

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

"He fights me when I tell him to take a nap. When I reword it and say go reboot, he doesn't have a problem."

'How do we bake such delicious large muffins that have only 20 calories? Easy, false advertising.'