Social Media Maestro Pillows

"I reviewed your Social Media Strategy. I don't follow it, I don't heart it and I want you to #tryharder!"

"I don't know, Ted, I keep getting the feeling that you are ghosting me!"

'Hey, we're getting a twheat.'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

21st century water cooler conversations.

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

Mozart on a computer,

Digital Fomo!

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"Textin’"

"What does it mean? Heck, I don't know! It's mystifying!"

"Before I do this, I would ask everyone to please delete the footage in the event of this not going as planned."

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

Trick or Tweet

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

Twitter censorship

"I always send a layover selfie back home, to let everyone know I'm safe."

"She looks just like in your photos."

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

Giving Things Up For Lent.

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"