Social Events Gifts

'This convention lacks just one thing...name tags.'

"New Year's Eve just isn't the same anymore!"

'Yes, I do find motherhood fulfilling. However, I find being a sales Vice-President even more fulfilling.'

'I'm sorry, sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

How glamorous, I've never met a pilot

The need to run from the table screaming, has reached it's peak about an hour ago and has now subsided into a tolerable level of anguish where I only occasionally want to smash a fork into my eye socket. . .

Rachel and Sarah couldn't believe they'd turned up wearing the same little black number.

'Be reasonable, dear - I'm sure Mrs West didn't mean to clash with your new curtains.'

Please wait to be vetted

"Thanks for coming - I usually find these office parties rather awkward."

'Yeah? Well my personal trainer can beat up your personal trainer!'

"It's always so loud during yappy hour."

'A Chiswick Fete'

Refinements of Modern Speech

'I hear you're a celebrity. Should I know you?'

Prosthetic Society Annual Hoe-Down : 'You put your left leg in, you put your left leg out..'

'This one is for not blowing any CIA agent's secret cover.'

'Line-dancing gridlock'

'Name tag's up here, Ma'am - I'm from the Cattlemen's Delegation.

Glyndebourne

'And last and least...'

"This is Dave, my friend plus."

'Dr. Young is a professor at one of the nation's leading party schools.'

"My daughter's having her coming-out party."

'Tonight it's "sneezy hour".'

"Shredding their toilet paper roll because you were 'bored' is still not a good excuse."

'I'm not a consumer. I'm a provider.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Lunch is served at the Kennel Club

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

'I couldn't find a thing not to wear.'

Bear baiting - "Ever been invited to a dinner party? Well have you?"

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

'Hi there!... I know, that you know, that you know me from somewhere. But I'm not going to remind you, because I'm enjoying your look of excruciating embarrassment far too much!'

"Nice dross, darling!"

'Have you run the spell-checker over it?'