Social Decorum Devotee T-Shirts

"And remember, the phone goes to the left of the entree fork."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'You don't have to be a boring bastard to work here but it helps.'

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

Great, the skeletons of all the other cartoon characters who were here before us.

'You'll be very happy here...I know I am!'

"OK, she's back. Just start slowly, and remember to ask her about herself."

"I beg your pardon, but a mustache is required in the dining room. Would you like us to provide you with one?"

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

'You're not supposed to kiss everyone, Mr Jenkins.'

"Why can't you ever be serious?"

Singulars: spaghetto, broccolo, jacuzzo.

'Did you or did you not make my client laugh so hard that milk came out his nose, causing the kids at his cafeteria table to laugh at him?'

'Everything's heavenly! How about you?'

"Eye contact is good, but eye contact without blinking is not."

Man in elevator looking at sign that says 'Stare Here.'

'I told you never to Facebook, Bebo, Hotmail, Yahoo, MSN or phone me at work...'

A guest departing a party.

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

"Will you join me in a cup of coffee?"

Edward Cranston, four-letter general.

Widow advising a man that men often owe their success to the beauty and social charm of their wife.

Top Tips For Video Interviews

"A film contract about your life and a percentage of the box office takings. How does that grab you?"

Clancy: Life Insurance

Manners and customs of 'ye Englyshe', scene 4.

New curate discussing the pulpit with his paritioners

'It's called a 'hat' -- you tip it to women instead of hitting them over the head with a club.'

Pleasant!

'On The Face Of It.'