Social Conventions Pillows

"Women kiss women good night. Men kiss women good night. But men do not kiss men good night – especially in Armonk."

Birthday Card Repeats

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Dog Dressed to Eat

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

Science fiction fans on other planets

Useless information desk at trivia buff convention

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

"You're not a real fan. You're just dressed up like a slut for attention."

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

2016 election squabbles!

"OK, I know that this is borderline inappropriate, but just hear me out ..."

'I know a lot of wives let themselves go when they're married- but AFTER the reception?'

'Pick a business card.'

Star Wars convention...

'I want a holiday that will impress the neighbours, which country offers most kudos to the Pound?'

"Ya know, boys and girls studying alone like this is strictly forbidden in Iran."

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't - You're not prejudiced against transvestites, are you?"

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

"Psychiatric convention"

"Everything I know about being human I learned from animals."

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

'Now don't forget what I told you - no touching!'

'Now that I'm retired, I have time for state and national meetings, but I no longer need the information.'

"What can I say - it turs out wheels were a social construct all along."

43rd Annual Doctors Convention

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

Welcome! Milk Convention!: 'Bourbon, milk chaser- no, make that milk, bourbon chaser.'