Soccer Storyteller T-Shirts

'Okay, who knows how to solve for 'X'?'

'If it makes you feel any better, when I was your age, bullies used to put a 'Kick Me' sign on my back, too.'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

For the Wilsons, Gold Medalists Los Angeles '84, bathtime was always a ritual.

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'Robert.....Why do you think they call slanted letters italics.'

"Great news! Jim at work's promised to lend me all his World Cup DVDs"

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

"Your Honor, I have a rebuttal witness."

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

'I'd do better if I knew all the words you know!'

Ref shows footballer green card.

"I must have hit 20 home runs!"

'Now that's what I call a tackle, Brian'

FIFA scandal

VAR - a nail in the football coffin...

"Other script ideas? Of course! I've been working on one about a killer plant and only your family and a lamp can stop it."

Marcus Rashford

'You can't go around writing graffiti on every wall you see!' (Football defensive wall).

Hi! You must be a basketball player,'cause Mom says she's on the rebound!

'Remember, it's YOUR benefit game - go out and foul whoever you like!'

What's that annoying buzzing noise? (Vuvuzelas)

"Long ago men cursed and beat the ground with sticks. It was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf."

"'Footcube', eh? It's a game-changer, alright."

'When I was a kid, we had to do our own instant replays.'

Ruud Gullit's 'sexy football'

'Come here Sepp. I fancy a bite!'

Theatre football.

"The Boss said that I should d more diving inside the box..."

'We're the only country where cats refer to this as playing with a ball of string. Everywhere else it's known as football.'

'I'm not awarding a free kick, but RADA has just awarded you a scholarship.'

"You are trying to block the 2018 world cup in Moscow!"

Football Crazy strip two

I never knew you were a sportscaster. That takes me way back. What do you mean? The year was 1943. I had a hot, torrid, steamy love affair with a young Howard Cosell. I knew he was destined to be a sportscaster. The man had a strange habit of narrating a play-by-play of all our intimate moments. It almost never pays to ask you to elaborate, Sadie. "And there's his chance! Howard goes in for a first kiss!" ... Odd man.