Soccer Spelunker Pillows

"Puff! Pant! They don't have to do this in the Premier League!"

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

'Needs salt!'

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

Ball as water-melon.

'Best save I've ever seen.'

New York Netherworld

Centaur Forward

It had been a while, but he had finally come home.

Goalkeeper makes the wrong save.

'Hey,come on SIMON, DON'T go all shy now. It's not everyday you get the chance to meet your favourite Footballer in the flesh...'

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'

The commentators want to run the officials...

Various men worshipping a statue of a football

"Hurray! I discovered a new planet!"

Football Accident.

Football/Soccer bubbles

"Audacity, noun. Unrestrained impudence. Impudence... Impudence... Impudent, adjective. Marked by impertinent disrespect. Impertinent... Impertinent..."

Team medic spraying deodorant

Football

"Gesundheit!"

"You're a really sore loser, you know that!"

'Going 'cold turkey' might be dangerous...I'd wean him off by letting him watch world cup re-runs....'

"I see the man who invented autocorrect has died."

"Vuuuuuuuuuuu!"

Evolution

"Somebody has screwed-up the seating arrangements" - Seating is an optical illusion.

"Why won’t you just admit you forgot where you parked the car?"