Soccer Schemer T-Shirts

"I don't think much of their defence."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'I love doing things with you, Dad but couldn't you just coach my soccer team?'

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

'I've never seen so many strikers in one team before.'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

Jose Mourinho & Roman Abramovich Caricature.

"Okay...let's concentrate on discussing strategy during halftime."

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

"Look, I know the other team is taller than we are...but I'm pretty sure this isn't allowed."

Ernesto Valverde Tejedor

Carlo Ancelotti

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

"Okay, you got this! Who introduced the theory of punctuated equilibrium?"

"Do you call this a business plan?"

'Verily, we wuz robbed!'

'Since the playing field was sold off we've become a centre of excellence for one-a-side football.'

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

Football fans discuss a deceased manager: A giant, a legend, much loved. Didn't we sack him?

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

'Focus! Focus! You've just gotta' forget about their home ground advantage.

'Well, I'm glad to have you with us!'