Soccer Nut Pillows

Spiderman Goalie

'No I won't kiss it better!'

Football club

Fly Football

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Football Chameleon

The trauma of losing.

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'Best save I've ever seen.'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

Ball as water-melon.

Mohamed Salah

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

Remarkable run-ups 1890-1940

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

Egyptian Football

Centaur Forward

Ascent of man from ape to beer swilling football lout.

'It's a combination of March Madness,,, and Linsanity,'

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

Womens' bras come in football cup sizes.

Watching the football.

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'

It had been a while, but he had finally come home.

Men can show their emotions!

Goalkeeper makes the wrong save.

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

'I take it tonight's game has been postponed.'

The commentators want to run the officials...