Soccer Fan Who Loves Crafts Pillows

Goalie knitting.

Fly Football

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Football Chameleon

The trauma of losing.

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

Raheem Sterling

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

Ball as water-melon.

'Best save I've ever seen.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

Mohamed Salah

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

Centaur Forward

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

Egyptian Football

Ascent of man from ape to beer swilling football lout.

So far the coaching exchange program was hitting a few snags.

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

"All those years of diversity training, seminars and research papers to shred the idea of male superiority....When all we really needed...was for them to train like the Lionesses for 20 minutes."

Watching the football.

Womens' bras come in football cup sizes.

Football

"And the way you kids kick ass today will speak volumes about the leaders of tomorrow you will be."

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'