Sober Sipper Prints

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

Official Whore Artist/Official Piss Artist

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

The last song before the party exploded.

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"Getting drunk grilling lettuce just isn't the same."

"I'll have the usual."

Running Latte

'Make it a microbrew, Jake! I've gone organic!'

"You had me at alternative milk."

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

Lemonade without borders.

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

"Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here."

"And would you like a wine stopper?"

“There once was a woman who lived in a can of prebiotic soda… & only then did she consume enough to reap the health benefits claimed on the label.”

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

"Here, son, don't forget your glass of fizzy."

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

"When I was your age, I was a lot older."

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

"A friendly warning, pal—this is a sports bar."

'Don't you have anything larger?'

The youth shows responsibility!

'A wine list? How prosaic. This is our list of lists: beer, wine, single malt scotch, water, soda, cognac...'

Walking here to the tavern allows me to decrease my carbon footprint and increase my bourbon footprint.

I say when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade

Scariest Tactics

Psychiatry. Here's your soda --- Would you like a crazy straw?