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When I was a teenager, "Saturday Night live" had Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Phil Hartman

Showbiz Awards

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

Music Hall Dancers

Cleaner cleaning under the feet of the dancers as they perform

"Is it 'Measure once, cut twice?' Or 'Cut once, then measure?' Or maybe it's..."

Parents start infant on the way to fame.

Leo McKern

"BBC One’s Casualty has reached its 1000th episode. The long-running hospital drama is apparently very popular with viewers... But even more popular among jobbing actors."

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

'Man, I'm age 21 now and so far, I haven't done anything important. Things can't go on like this or I will have to forget my plan to become rich and famous by writing my autobiography at age 35!'

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."

Viggo Mortensen

"I'm so looking forward to the weekend, there's a show on: We're going to be pampered and they'll put lovely ribbons in our manes..."

"Grandma's TV is so old it wasn't made in a foreign country."

Charlie Beck Loves Austin Beutner

CELEBRITY NEWS TEAM"Now here's Frank Sinatra with the weather."

Meryl Streep

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

West End Shows closing - box office piled high with boxes.

"It's our latest celebrity scent, it's called Elon Musk. It smells like money!"

"Looks like Broadway's back."

"Alright be cool. We're just gonna ask for an autograph and be on our way."

The following story is based on actual events.

Daniel Day Lewis

"You may now phony show-biz kiss the bride."