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Non smoker bragging.

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Let's consider an early dive."

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

Czarcasm

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

Glass and Porcelain Store: Elephants must remain outside.

"Really? That's the only game in this house?"

"Sigh...Another sherry Harold...Go team ect."

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

"The news is so fake, the ads are beginning to look honest."

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

'This program is geared towards the youth market. You give it up to five commands and it closes down in a huff!'

'What's your blood type?'

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

Could I have a minute of your valuable time, Timpson?

"That's not just our motto, that's our pay scale."

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

"Wrap it in any old bit of newspaper - she's bound to return it."

Man reading 'How not to get caught.'

"It's not backstabbing if I tell our boss how lame you are while you're sitting here, is it?"

"Phew! Your breath. What have you been eating?"

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

'I'll have your head on a platter.'

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

Three office doors: 'Idea People,' 'Make It Happen People,' and 'Make it Like This Never Happened People.'

Low self esteem workshop - 'You missed it. It finished two hours ago, you useless pillock.'

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

Gratuities: Fine presumptuous dining.