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Non smoker bragging.

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Let's consider an early dive."

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

Czarcasm

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

Glass and Porcelain Store: Elephants must remain outside.

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

'This program is geared towards the youth market. You give it up to five commands and it closes down in a huff!'

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

"The news is so fake, the ads are beginning to look honest."

"Sigh...Another sherry Harold...Go team ect."

"Really? That's the only game in this house?"

'What's your blood type?'

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

I'm not going to send over my manager just because there's a fly in your soup. What about sending over the fly's manager.

LOL. Larry Lee Oppenheimer is no fan of monogrammed underwear.

Could I have a minute of your valuable time, Timpson?

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

"That's not just our motto, that's our pay scale."

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

"Wrap it in any old bit of newspaper - she's bound to return it."

"It's not backstabbing if I tell our boss how lame you are while you're sitting here, is it?"

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"Phew! Your breath. What have you been eating?"

Man reading 'How not to get caught.'

'I'll have your head on a platter.'

Passive-Aggressive Dog Talk: "You a boy or a bitch?"

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

Three office doors: 'Idea People,' 'Make It Happen People,' and 'Make it Like This Never Happened People.'

Low self esteem workshop - 'You missed it. It finished two hours ago, you useless pillock.'

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'