Smiling Defendant T-Shirts

"Smile if you're guilty!"

Trial by Media

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

The most fabulous Gran in the world.

No Cavity Club/No New Gum Receding Club

Da Vinci painting a grumpy version of Mona Lisa.

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

'Could you tone down the smile just a little?'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

"At first I was the aggressor but as he got the upper hand it became clear I was the victim."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

Clive Anderson

The New Age Dentist.

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'OK, OK, you've made your point. I'll admit that sometimes when I feel threatened, I snap.'

'What the hell is that guy's problem?'

'My client doesn't wish to answer any more questions.'

'How can we be so sure it's a fake, gentlemen - she isn't smiling!'

'I'll show you my fine print, if you show me yours.'

"The truth, the whole truth and a touch of double entendre to keep everybody on their toes."

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

'I give all my new teachers the same advice. Never minimize the transformative power of a smile attached to your words.'

'They got me for trespassing, grand theft cookie and trafficking Xboxes across state lines.'

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

'No, Sweetheart. You don't have to turn your head to see the smiley face.'

Exploding Face Laughter Strategy

"No questions, your honor. It's all in my client's new book. Every member of the jury will find a free copy under their seats!"

Fired because of sheepish grin.

'Your honor, before we get into the issue of black and white, I'd like permission to slip into my grey suit.'

"May we have a moment, your honor. My client hasn't quite memorized the script."

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'