Smiling Defendant T-Shirts

"Smile if you're guilty!"

Trial by Media

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

The most fabulous Gran in the world.

Da Vinci painting a grumpy version of Mona Lisa.

No Cavity Club/No New Gum Receding Club

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'Could you tone down the smile just a little?'

"At first I was the aggressor but as he got the upper hand it became clear I was the victim."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

Clive Anderson

The New Age Dentist.

'OK, OK, you've made your point. I'll admit that sometimes when I feel threatened, I snap.'

'My client doesn't wish to answer any more questions.'

'How can we be so sure it's a fake, gentlemen - she isn't smiling!'

'I'll show you my fine print, if you show me yours.'

"The truth, the whole truth and a touch of double entendre to keep everybody on their toes."

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

'I give all my new teachers the same advice. Never minimize the transformative power of a smile attached to your words.'

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

'Your honor, before we get into the issue of black and white, I'd like permission to slip into my grey suit.'

"No questions, your honor. It's all in my client's new book. Every member of the jury will find a free copy under their seats!"

'No, Sweetheart. You don't have to turn your head to see the smiley face.'

Exploding Face Laughter Strategy

"May we have a moment, your honor. My client hasn't quite memorized the script."

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

"… and when she spoke and you couldn't hear was it because you chose not to hear or because you had exhibit 'A' in your ear?"