Smartwatch Skeptic Gifts

"I feel fine but according to my smartwatch I might be dead!"

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"I don't think those are authentic, either, bud."

I.T. Fear

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

"This new phone app for opening the beer is great, Bruce!"

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

Privacy

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

Man looking at watch while a cuckoo comes out of his head

Modern Life Blues

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

Big Brother.

"Tarzan no want computer."

"Oh, this? It can access every piece of knowledge from the history of mankind and I hate it."

"You can't believe everything the Russian bots tell you."

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

I Value Your Privacy, So I'm Keeping It.

"They were all out of rings, so I got you a watch."

No, you tell him the computer says he's wrong!

Diner is served

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"