Smarthome Strategist T-Shirts

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"It's an update from the people tracking us. According to this, we haven't gone anywhere or done anything."

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

The Not-So Smart Meter

Environmentalist Brainstorm

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

Keeping occupied in lockdown

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

Supermarket Merge

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

'With all these mega mergers between electronics and telecommunications firms, I just got an obscene email from the toaster...'

Artificial Isle

The Transition Oz team on their way to Totnes to get advice on Reskilling, Transport, Oil Dependancy and overcoming Post Petroleum Stress Disorder.

"The toaster is sueing the sandwich maker over custody of the bread..."

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

'Darling...I'm afraid the sofa salesmen got the better of me.'

"Companies know too much about us, listen...'You've earned 500 points and it's time you got back in touch with your cousin Emma'!"

'Oi, do you mind, trying to speak to my colleague - two self service tills having a chat together.'

I just realized how vulnerable I am to people who could hack my phone, my self-driving car, my tv, my garage door opener … So I bought a device called "Trojan Horse: that's supposed to protect me from all that. It connects to my wifi router. It monitors all my web traffic, all my connected devices, and ... well, I'm not exactly sure what it does, but it's supposed to keep the hackers out somehow. What did you say the device is called again? Now I don't worry about anyone hacking my toaster.

Flexible working

"That will be $109.85." "What! Sign says they’re $1.69 each." "Yes, and you have 65 of them."

'Do you sell eggs? . . . I forgot to say that I have middle class guilt. . .'

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'I've got one of those wobbly forwards trolleys!'

Women shopping with children in the trolley.

Stocktaker counts contents of baked-bean tins.

"I just got an alert from our smart refrigerator. It's pleading with us to not stick anything else on it."

"Mummy! Can't we go to Tescos like everyone else?"

'Yes, I'm home early. We had a school fire drill, so naturally I sought the safety of our house.'