Smack Talk Champion Pillows

"Big deal! You're still all bums to me."

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

'Play it again, Sam.'

"Still, you've got to admit our being swallowed by a fish has its humorous aspects!"

Cocktail party with man balancing drink on head as he eats.

'This is fantastic! I don't know what's smaller, the talk or the food?'

Develop Your Social Skills: Asking Questions is a Great Way to Keep a Conversation Going.

'You dirty, snivelling, low down, arrogant son of a gin-swilling kleptomaniac.'

'You daft cow...I said I needed some company and was out for a duck!'

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

'It's OK, being completely egocentric is perfectly normal for someone your age.'

"Operation Warp Speed complete!"

Less than Ultimate Fighting.

"I'll tell you what ... you mingle, I'm going to monopolize a conversation."

'HEY,no Tongue!'

'And the gold medal goes to...'

Dadonomics

'Listen, I know that nose was what made me famous, but it also led to me being typecast. I'm hoping this change helps me get more diverse roles.'

Mom! Billy's censoring me!

"You want to know about my day? Mom, didn't we just do this last month?"

'I booze, I schmooze and then I snooze.'

Small Talk Outlet

Affordable homes coming soon - 'If they build these then our house will become affordable...!'

"This call is monitored for quality. Try to keep up your end of the conversation."

'I'm taking you off the javelin - you throw it way too high!'

"I didn't want to tell you like this, but I'm going solo..."

"School can be tricky. They give you text books that have NOTHING to do with texting!"

"He sure could talk on the C.B. radio."

"I missed the meeting on employee theft. What was the takeaway?"

The Pole Jumper.

"You're not holding up your end of the conversation."

"Shall I fry it or flush it?"

'If only texting was an Olympic sport.'