Sly Commentator T-Shirts

"Ever stop and wonder why this is the only place where you manage to pick up after yourself?"

Wifi in Hell

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

"With great power comes great reward."

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

Expressions of mystery.

"Can you hear me now?"

That's nothing. You should see what he writes in the comments section.

'Oh, that's a deduction to pay for management perks.'

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

"Let's demonstrate our corporate values of diversity and inclusion and listen to some of Brian's stupid ideas."

Suggestions Get Shredded.

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

Sly Fox

'I like it.'

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

Do you believe in money at first sight?

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

A Diverse Cabinet That Looks Like America

"Today the House Intelligence committee began its investigation of the FBI's investigation of the House Intelligence Committees investigation of the FBI..."

"Well, I was under oath, so I couldn't lie outright, but I'm a weasel of course, so I have a way with words..."

'A shocking report shows more marriages are ending in divorce than decapitation. Could this be the end of traditional marriage, as we know it? More on that. . .after the break!'

Art Gallery.

"Listen, pal! I didn't spend seven million bucks to get here so I could yield the floor to you."

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

People want as much government as they deserve.

"Any family history of stroke? Diabetes? Bankruptcy?"

The Phenomenon of Absolute Power, Expressed as a Geometric Curve.

"There's a customer-satisfaction questionnaire for you to fill out and for us to not look at and immediately throw away."