Crafty Commentator T-Shirts

A needlepoint message to free Martha Stewart.

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'Cartoonist thinking'

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

Sports Radio in Crisis

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Tree of Public Opinion.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

Expressions of mystery.

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"With great power comes great reward."

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

And now, for a rebuttal.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

"Actually, we will replace you."

"This is gonna be great!"

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

Chess on TV

The United States of Amazement

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

Chicken standing on a platform on a stage with three horns in front of it and wearing a top hat; a sign on the side of the platform reads "National Endowment for the Arts - Seal of Approval."