Slow-nature Humorist T-Shirts

"Quick - you'd better scarper! My husband'll be home in three weeks!!"

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

Clown on bike.

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

"Honey, have you seen my onions?"

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

"Thank you! That last tune took some fancy fingerpickin'. Apologies to those in the front who may have gotten a press - on nail or two in their drink."

Three kids in a trench coat, twenty years later.

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

'Then it's settled. We'll make 7 million with blue handles, 5 million with red handles, 4 million with purple handles and 2 million with green handles.'

'Damn, I'm out of earshot!'

'Like you, I don't know why they feed us every day, but as long as they do it, I'll stay...'

"Roadkill cookies"

Daffodil bulbs

300 cows in a field...grazing!

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

'I told you not to order the chocolate cream surprise.'

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

"Cheese is just a substitute for the love you've never given me."

"Time to administer scout leader first aid protocol..."

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

'Peanuts, popcorn, steroids!'