Sleep Geek Pillows

'The internet is impacting my sleep. All my flying dreams look like Google Earth.'

"I think I need an extra pillow."

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

Wordplay: Hibernation.

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

"I'll get up in negative five minutes."

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

"I'm down to only one nap a day. From 8 am t0 8 pm."

Contented man and cat sleeping

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

Broken Alarm Clock.

'I'm a perfect little angel while I'm asleep. It's being awake that causes me trouble.'

Do not disturb...

'I hate counting sheep. I get enough math at school.'

'Don't take this the wrong way, Honey, but not only have I decided to hibernate this year, but I want to hibernate in the spare room...'

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

'Great! The world ended and I slept right through it!'

This is our 36th nap today - I can't read you a bedtime story EVERY time.

Oh, come on this insomnia is driving me nuts! Just shoot me with a tranquilizer dart, wouldja!

Baby zipping himself up then going to sleep

"My boss said I have narcolepsy. She could have waited to tell me after I woke up."

'It's not Spring yet! Go back to sleep!'

"What's with your hair?"

Let's not do anything we'll regret in the morning. I like to sleep past noon.

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"You were snoring."

"Let's go to sleep so that when we wake up today will be tomorrow."

"I like to come prepared for meetings."

Snooze Alarm for Mole.

'Just checking that I've turned off the lights, dear!'

'It's a soothing sounds machine. Spring Rain, Summer Breeze, and Fall School Bus.'

There's a VERY SIMPLE EXPLANATION. I snore like an alarm clock and my wife mistook my nose for the snooze button.