Slacktivist Spotlight Pillows

"1 in 6 Americans is hispanic...but only a fraction of elected officials are latino!"

They hated me.

'Jenkins, about these coffee breaks of yours...'

'Well, so much for our legendary ability to eviscerate cattle with surgical precision...'

Manhattan Woods

Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.

'Will sublet 5pm-9am & weekends.'

The Sedentary Dead.

Intermediate Slouching.

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

Media Whore Raceway.

"We might need that ball, boy!"

'... So one day I thought, hey, why walk all the way out to the mound just to take a pitcher out of the game?'

"What are we doing today?"

Why are you texting instead of working?

'I'm on a great career path that never leaves my apartment.'

"I promise that this will be the last time that Daddy will ask you to help him post his resume online."

I wish somebody had told me "Prince Charming" is an ironic nickname his fraternity gave him!

Could I have a minute of your valuable time, Parker?

'Goodness me referee one really must question your visual acuity.'

'Out to Hunch.'

"It keeps track of how long you've been wearing workout clothes without actually working out."

'The Stalls, Covent Garden Opera'

Peace inactivist

"Whenever they low, I get high."

"Have you seen Joey?"

"Before you enter the water complete a full reversal of your political opinions."

"Guess which one I made with a 3-D printer."

"We better hope those damned air traffic controllers aren't on strike again!"

'I don't care if you hit the office football pool - get back to work!'

'Mr. Bosley and I will be busy all afternoon investigating offshore opportunities.'

"I couldn't retire. I wouldn't know what to do with myself."

"Honestly, Baldo, sometimes you're languid to the point of lethargy. Wouldn't you say you're torpid."

Instant Paparazzi Photographs

"He's laid up with a bad case of inertia."