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"Has anyone seen the dog?"

"Round and round the cauldron we go, in the exfoliating toner I throw."

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

'With all the tanning lotion, sun block and moisturizers, we're more coated with batter than the onion rings!'

"Too much concealer?"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

PROBLEM AREAS

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

'This facial cream is called 'High Definition'...it brings out beauty in sharp, wonderful detail.'

'You need to do something about your dry skin.'

'Apply that ointment as directed and call me if the growth does not reduce or it starts to talk.'

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

Desert Dermatologist

New Twenty Blades

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

"Well, what number sunscreen are you using?"

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.

'You do Botox?'

'Here's my fail proof way to restore a youthful appearance - a 30 watt bulb.'

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

Sunburn lotion, Windburn lotion.

"Do you have anything that can help remove dark circles from under my eyes?"

"More concealer?"

'As pizza maker, maybe a skin care products site isn't the best idea for an affiliate site.'

"Another barnacle?!" "I was a teenage creature."

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

'Do something, Alan...he's been playing in the mud again!'

'You've got dry scalp.'

"Yikes! So many foundations, so little time."