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'He doesn't look much like a ski-instructor!'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Rump roast?"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

I wish I'd had the review.

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

"And would you like flies with that?"

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

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'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

Prawn Cocktail Please

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"I can't hurry when ordering. There's a lot of ecological geopolitics involved here."

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.