Sketchy Humorist Mugs

'Hope you don't mind the boxing gloves. I'm no good at hands.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

"Gee, thanks pal."

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Glance Exchange

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"It's just a tree."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"How about a hand."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'