Skeptics Unite Pillows

"He can't roll over, he sheds too much, he can't fetch. How can he be the Messiah?"

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

"You atheists wouldn't exist without God!"

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

Asteroid Denying Dinosaur vs. Asteroid Believing Dinosaur.

"This report says a happy workforce is a productive workforce, but I need more proof before I go changing everything around."

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

"This'll show the Theology Department."

'No, I don't believe in life after birth. When you're born, you're born!'

Judgment Day is coming next Monday. Repent. Now, hold on. How can I believe you when so many dire prophecies haven't come true? I sealed myself in a shelter twice in the late '60s, hid in the Appalachian Mountains a decade later. A huge bunching of Judgment Day visions in the late '80s led me to simply get a time share in the Colorado mountains … Getting out of town doesn't spare you Judgment Day. I don't think. Lemme double-check the clues in Marmaduke. Mostly I needed an excuse to get away. Th

"I'm going out on a limb here, and sincerely apologize to my constituents today for the misappropriations and bribes I will take if I'm elected governor."

'Don't believe everything you read.'

"Can atheists refuse to participate?"

'Never, Ever...believe everything you read.'

Swami Trevor's Brotherhood of Celestial Enlightenment

Man to man re: crackpot's sign that says, 'Your Nutty Idea Here': Everybody's out to make a buck these days.

"MMPHH. . . I said I don't think I'm built for yoga!"

"Nope! Not that one! They still believe that 'gods' created the universe!"

"Stop fact checking my story."

"Stacy. Stacy. Honey... You're not a doctor."

"And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin..."

"Thank you for not praying."

'I see you reaching into your wallet for a twenty dollar bill.'

Family Tree DNA Test

'As far as I'm concerned...mathematics is a load of rubbish.'

Get rich today with cold fusion tomorrow! Invest now!: 'More like con - fusion! He's a con artist!'

'No! Romance with malice aforethought!'

Agnostics Society: Absolute worst place to ask for directions.

"Tell me about yourself. I work mainly by extrapolation."

"Yesterday, militant atheists killed moderate atheists for not being atheist enough."

"I don't dislike you; I dislike your religion."

Information. Speculation.