Skeptical Botanist Pillows

'Like I told you yesterday, I think this is a bunch of nonsense.'

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

'Personally I can't see anything wrong with GM crops!'

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

'Remove the fur and claws and these genetically engineered apples taste just fine.'

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

'Be sure to ask George about his tomatoes.'

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

F&E Landscape Architects. Ground cover plants are the Peter Pan of landscape design. The never "grow up"!

"Eating the poinsettia didn't make him sick. It was the three pounds of potting soil."

'A remarkable specimen. It's a bonsai oak but badly affected by giantism.'

"The scientists never stopped to ask if they should - only if they could."

Escaping Flowers

"Of course our products are absolutely safe!

"Now just relax and leave everything to Doctor Jones here. He's the best there is in the entire medical field of quackupuncture."

It's 9 a.m. and I've already offed hundreds of aphids � Decimated dozens of beetles and slain seven slugs. But Nana, you're disturbing nature's balance. When it comes to garden pests � Biodiversity is way overrated.

"You should start taking probiotics now, before we discover that they don't make any difference."

"...Father Gill would not accept that whistling could not be a substitute for water."

Talk to your plants - but never enter a suicide pact with one.

'Better than looking at four walls is here.'

"You raised it from a mutant seed, you whack it."

"They say statins don't work but they must be doing something, I've never felt so lousy in my life!"

MONSANTO

'Thank you very much, but they don't want it inside. The deceased is allergic to flowers.'

Clown Gardening

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me I've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the Middle Ages is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt with her

Will Work for Manure

"Dad got tired of reading those scare stories - now he sits there all day, photosynthesizes, and grows his own!"

"The plural of 'anecdote' is not 'data'."

'Uh, Liz. That plant isn't getting any faker.'

'Just because I don't have a green thumb doesn't mean I'm not a great MD'

"Thanks for taking care of my plant. You really don't need a 'green thumb', she isn't picky."

'If you pretend to water these fake flowers they'll last longer.'

Members of the flat earth society would holiday...but never too far from home.