Size Skeptic Mugs

"Have I suddenly developed Acromegaly, or are cans and bottles just getting smaller?"

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

'No, that doesn't make any difference either, Miss Jones.'

Coincidence or What?

Weight Gain Denial

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

Woman and scales.

Please seat to be weighted.

Lite Beer.

"It's two sizes too big, but it fits."

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

"I wouldn't have to go on a diet if we hadn't gone metric."

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

'Your weight second opinion.'

'You must have something in my size?'

'LIAR!'

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

"Fake."

"Your call and personal data may be monitored for brainwashing purposes."

Health Foods; "When did I ever eat back pain and trigger fingers?"

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

'if your wife ever asks you to meet her at Pilates...don't! It's not a pizzeria.'

"Thanks for your input Branston, but I've decided to go with my intution"

'Just thinking about New Year's resolutions makes me tired.'

"I'm looking for a diet that will guarantee my boss will gain the weight I lose.."