Sinner-spotter Gifts

'Reverend, my husband didn't make it to church today. Could I have a list of the sins you mentioned in your sermon?'

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

Tiny Visions

Your enemy is defeated by Fate

Moon: Made in China

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

If the Brontë sisters wrote science fiction

"I've been getting really excited about squirrels even when my dog isn't with me."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"On a clear night when the stars are twinkling over the city, I almost don’t mind that civilization collapsed."

MENSER the high IQ society

"You can stop now. The squirrels are gone."

Pollyanna, the Hamster

It's for you.

"Now she could watch the special on root canal treatment."

Fly Tightrope walker

'Look! There's Santa!'

"I don't know man. It sounds a lot like a pyramid scheme to me."

'Why did he cut the chicane - the giant spider isn't on the track, he's on our screen.'

"I love their use of space"

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

'I think I finally spotted a star between the spy satellites.'

"You should do a sermon on the dangers of stupidity."

Fruit Bowl

"What the... you brought the wrong bag!"

Oh, come one, they can't all look like squirrels!

"It was awesome! I was so well camouflaged he didn't see me, but I saw Santa!"

"Don't worry, everybody will be expecting an elephant in the room."

'Investing in a company whose website is Ponzischeme.come would raise red flags for me.'

'I see live people.'

"Well, the spider you swallowed in the scrumpy is now wriggling and tickling in cider."

"That book was so cliche. Can you believe the butler actually did it?"

The Alien Scare

"The squirrel’s up in the tree now … you didn’t see that? Hello?! I’m talking to you!"