Sinner-spotter Gifts

'Reverend, my husband didn't make it to church today. Could I have a list of the sins you mentioned in your sermon?'

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

Your enemy is defeated by Fate

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

Tiny Visions

Moon: Made in China

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

If the Brontë sisters wrote science fiction

"I've been getting really excited about squirrels even when my dog isn't with me."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"On a clear night when the stars are twinkling over the city, I almost don’t mind that civilization collapsed."

"You can stop now. The squirrels are gone."

MENSER the high IQ society

Pollyanna, the Hamster

"Now she could watch the special on root canal treatment."

'Look! There's Santa!'

'Why did he cut the chicane - the giant spider isn't on the track, he's on our screen.'

"I don't know man. It sounds a lot like a pyramid scheme to me."

"I love their use of space"

'I think I finally spotted a star between the spy satellites.'

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

"You should do a sermon on the dangers of stupidity."

"Don't worry, everybody will be expecting an elephant in the room."

"It was awesome! I was so well camouflaged he didn't see me, but I saw Santa!"

"What the... you brought the wrong bag!"

'Investing in a company whose website is Ponzischeme.come would raise red flags for me.'

"Well, the spider you swallowed in the scrumpy is now wriggling and tickling in cider."

The Alien Scare

"That book was so cliche. Can you believe the butler actually did it?"

"The squirrel’s up in the tree now … you didn’t see that? Hello?! I’m talking to you!"

Convent's laundry.