Sinister Shrubs Pillows

Three Circles of Gardener's Hell.

'I had a wonderful garden last year. Bark beetles, aphids, mealy worms, thripes, wax seal, gray mold, and grubs!'

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

'Remove the fur and claws and these genetically engineered apples taste just fine.'

'What kind of bulbs did you put in here?'

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

Hedgecutter cutting a hedge 'key' into a hedge 'door'

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

F&E Landscape Architects. Ground cover plants are the Peter Pan of landscape design. The never "grow up"!

'A remarkable specimen. It's a bonsai oak but badly affected by giantism.'

Escaping Flowers

"The scientists never stopped to ask if they should - only if they could."

Seven Deadly Sins. Anger. Envy. Covetousness. Gluttony. Lust. Sloth. Pride. After you've successfully resisted the other six deadly sins, it's really hard not to be proud.

"You won't find any cute little birdies here."

"I need to know what the future holds, at least for the next six weeks."

"Peter went in last Sunday to prune...but I haven't seen him since"

Celebrity anagrams: I'm a rock child me (Answer: Charlie Dimmock)

"...Father Gill would not accept that whistling could not be a substitute for water."

Talk to your plants - but never enter a suicide pact with one.

A garden is a thing of beauty and a job for life.

"Dad got tired of reading those scare stories - now he sits there all day, photosynthesizes, and grows his own!"

"Don't bother. Everything is artificial."

Tombstones have names of vegetables on them.

'To stress heterosexual, we now get a merit badge for getting laid!'

Tacky lawn ornament hunting. (It's a HUGE sport here in the United States!)

Clowns tending lawn.

Will Work for Manure

'And this is our geodesic gnome.'

Pumping up a cactus

'Uh, Liz. That plant isn't getting any faker.'

'If you pretend to water these fake flowers they'll last longer.'

"Thanks for taking care of my plant. You really don't need a 'green thumb', she isn't picky."

Acupuncture

Mania Varietals

Man at desk in Peter's Poisonous Plants Inc. is killed by one of his own plants.