Singles Club Veteran Gifts

'You have a strange glint in your eye.' 'That will be my luminous contact lens.'

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

Death Beggar

"I have been happily married... three times!"

Table for two. Whom does sir think he's kidding? You're right table for one. Menu.

Cat Love Ads: "Are you; 'Stubborn, lazy, unfaithful and psychopathic...with no sense of humour?""

'How long have you two been married?'

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

"Since no one showed up, I'll keep my remarks brief."

Snub Marine

"Well, well – if it isn't the old crystal ball and chain."

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

"I figured, better the devil you know."

'Noise? When you've been married as long as I have, it goes in one ear and out the other.'

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

"I fancy tall men."

"hmm....I'd like to tick her box."

Tunnel of love

"Sorry - you're just not my type...!"

"Huge fan."

'Gordon is the latest in a series of unfulfilling relationships.'

'I'm used to having my decisions overturned since I've been married 20 years.'

"Not really all that different... We've been living apart for decades."

First singles bar! 'I ain't married!'

"She doesn't have the hots for you. She doesn't even have the lukewarms for you."

'Remind me again darling - what were we just arguing about?'

"I don't even have a relationship with a bank."

Dorothy and the singles bar

'Turbulence? Oh I'm used to that, I've been married 20 years.'

'Gosh, Jane, you're even prettier than that cute little chimpanzee I was out with last week!'

'I can't believe it - fifty years married and all I've ever been is Plan B!'