Single Malt Devotee Pillows

"Sir, please- you're crying into a 12 year old single malt whiskey."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

Happy Hour

Thomas Hardy

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

"I just wonder if the brand name is too obvious."

One book... One book... One book...

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

"Oprah is definite, Barnes and Noble is giving you front windows, and Norman Mailer has agreed to a feud."

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

"So have you been watching Bridgerton?"

"I may not know art, but I know what I like."

"And while you're waiting for your drinks can I get you something from the bar?"

"I was deadwood but I'm out of a job. I guess I'm driftwood."

Joan Crawford junior

'Single or double?'

'You didn't realise she was so expensive? The clue is in the name!'

'Don't drink on an empty head.'

"I wish I could just focus on the future and quit revisiting the past."

'I'm having what he's having.'

Fight Club.

"I have a taste for luxury."

"I'm on Fendi and Prada, and heading toward Louis."

Thriller of the Week

"India ink, straight."

"You're not a goat person?"

"And a bag of peanuts."