Single Life Chaos Pillows

'Maybe she has allergies.'

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Life is for the birds.

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"I need to know who started it."

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

Still searching for my Prince Charming.

"Yes, I'm alone."

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

"She was right -- Her teddy bear did squish your action figure!"

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

Two children play with a pedal bin

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

"The children took off their own coats this morning, Pastor."

Disorderlies

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

"Do you know what girls want?"

'How many kids do you actually have?'

'Are you seeing anybody?'

'Found her. Keeping her.'

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

"That's the seventh time Dad's waved at me."

'Dear Dairy, Well... I met someone, and I think she could be Mrs. Alright.'

"Finally - my dating app just launched a 'Why am I seeing this loser?' feature."

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.