Silly Situations Gifts

"Daddy always begged me not to marry a cactus farmer!"

"Wait a minute! I just robbed my own house!"

'This will be great for chase scenes.'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

A Snowman falls down drunk outside a bar.

Our founder: Custard pies Ltd.

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

Spiderman car window cleaner

'He thinks we're watering down the cement.'

'It's for you.'

Adoption centre nurse accepting a bribe from a pack of wolves

Cake Shop: Parking Meter

'Sorry! I thought nobody would notice.'

That's a silly question. What does it LOOK like I'm doing?'

Eskimo fishing.

"Hey you! C'mere and hold up this guy's pants while I go through his pockets."

"Come on Ed! Cheer up! Look! Worm Attack! Arrahhh!"

Blind dog.

'...Every time he goes on the track we have to notify air traffic control.'

Call Center Agents Should Be Able To Apologize And To Admit Mistakes.

'Just so i'll know you can't resuscitate a grape-nut, right?'

"Gesundheit."

'What is it now, Dennis...can't you see I'm busy?'

'It was identity theft by my body double!'

Dunk Mosquito

Golfer on Football Pitch

Window cleaner taking ladder out from under his colleague.

Gag pitchforks.

'I didn't hear you drive up, Doc.'

"If I don't escape now, I'm toast!"

"Up, down or bite your face off?"

'Warm a chair...swill coffee...thumb through catalogues and surf the Internet... By golly, Ted, he's RIGHT. They're all in his job description!'

'Hand over all your money or the toaster gets it!'

"His dentures keep slipping."

The hearse was a write-off. But at least no one was killed. Again.