Silly Sermon Lover Prints

"After the Great Seagull Reincarnation, we'll spend eternity stealing sandwiches and defecating as we please."

'This will be great for chase scenes.'

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

How's my sermon. . .

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

Sermon Applause.

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'Of course my fact-finding tour is legitimate. Can I help if if there are more facts in the Bahamas than Cleveland?'

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Applause

'So long as he doesn't preach what he practices.'

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

"Pastor, since you refuse to respond to my emails I decided to print off a list of all my objections to your messages."

How's my Sermon . . .

"Look, don't 'Amen' me, and I won't 'Amen' you."

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

Male On Sunday

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

Come To Church Today and Beat the Christmas Rush.

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."