Silent Film Critic T-Shirts

"It's good that we can have these comfortable silences."

"Bond James, Bond."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Benedict Cumberbatch

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Herman Mankiewicz

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Now Playing: One of those Jane Austen movies."

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

Censors 'no' a good thing when they see it.

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

No, this is the red lagoon, the black one is down the road a bit.

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

'It was great. I hated it.'

'Hey, Charlie, have we got good news for you!'

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

"You had the power to leave all along - just click your heels three times, grab your coat, and sneak out without saying goodbye."

The Beard in the Stone

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

The Da Vinci Cod

Little Red Riding Carpet

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

"Citizen Kane first draft... Citizen Kane By Orson Welles & Herman J. Mankiewicz Int. Kane's bedroom Kane's old voice Call a freaking ambulance! Rosebud..."

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."