Sign Language Teacher Gifts

"He asked if we had someone on staff who knew sign language and when I said 'yes'....he fainted!"

A Puppet Named Juan

Campaign for Plain English

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

Desert $2.75. See? -- It wasn't a typo.

"Let's fall in love and live in the subjunctive."

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

'She speaks 6 languages and can't say 'No' in any of them. . .'

'Now, what's Italian for pizza?'

Harv's general clumsiness with prepositions comes back to haunt him.

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

"He just found that 'pillage' rhymes with 'village'."

"Today I came across antiderenuclearizationalityness."

Humanities 101. I hear you're reading Greek plays in there. Yeah, it's a real Medea blitz!

The First Sentence Fragment: 'Hey, don't -'

'Do you always have to shout? Well? Do you? Huh?'

'Diver caught scallops - is that a description of what happened or a compound adjective'

'Ever since we invented the past tense, she brings the past up all the time!'

Clubbing

'Now what? Everything I can pronounce is OFF!'

"If you want to sing in our band, you'll have to overcome your fear of using double negatives."

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'It feels like I'm very much in a good place these days. That is, aside from the grammar.'

Signing the declaration of independence.

"To hear the ocean in English, press one. Para Espanol ..."

"So I'm like, doesn't anyone speak proper English any more?"

'Did anyone tell her we're from another planet?'

Monosyllabic Crisis Center

'If all your friends were looting and pillaging, would you do it, too?'

"I want to learn how to talk the talk."

"I'm stuck for the 'June-moon' rhyme in Serbo-Croatian."

Homophone Encounter