Siege Humor Pillows

"It's another birthday card for me...!"

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

When cockroaches go unchecked.

'Neighbors...friends...artists models.'

"You don't have anything planned for the next 196 years, do you?"

Technical specifications: semi-automatic 1.2 mm cartoon launcher. 7.5 inch barrels holds a full stick of graphite. Fires rounds of sarcasm, satire and spoofs. Takes out religious fanatics with sharp wit.

"The boss says he has an open door policy."

VACCINATION REFUSAL

"That's the Press Corps Hospitality Tent. We had better get tooled up and make a start."

Soldier in medieval battle says: 'Oi, take it easy! This is an English Heritage site.'

DING DONG!

'Our firewall barely protects our content.'

'You can't pour the boiling oil over them yet - I'm still cooking the chips !'

Tar umbrellas for sale at viking attack

'When the time comes, Goopta, I'd like to be bronzed.'

Service Entry.

"Huh, somehow I missed that. So resting on our laurels is at the core of our new strategic plan."

"They've deployed their new missile defense system."

'I told you not to let the children play with your Tony Blair effigy.'

Possum Army HQ. Here's the casualty report, sir --- You have to take it with a grain of salt, of course.

"The Normans are coming and I can't decide on whether to pour a simple consomme on them, or a more complex bisque."

'...and why do they call this a 'battlement'?'

'I thought this thing had been tried and tested.' 'It has... Didn't work that time either.'

'You idiot! Two is aim, three is fire!'

Soldiers attempt to break into a castle with a credit card.

Conference Bingo

'I want to suck your toes.' - A problem for Maxwell Smart and his shoe-phone.

"Hold on - I'll call in an air strike."

"They have been given one minute to get out of town."

Support Our Apologists.

"Another miss, sir."