Sick Note Strategist Pillows

'How come every time there's a big cricket match on, your granny wants you to take her to the doctor?' - 'Do you think she's faking it?'

"Here's the deal, throw me back and I won't text your boss telling him you called in sick to fish."

Bad times to sneeze

"If I've timed this right, symptoms should start at exactly 9 a.m. Monday."

"When you have my schedule, you need large sticky notes."

"Have you ever had one of those days when it would have been easier just to do some work?"

'Can't come in to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty bug.'

Sleeping at the computer.

Facebookie - Odds on boss catching you wasting time

'According to your resume, you have unusual organizational techniques.'

'And another thing - you hog the duvet!'

So what happens when you told Armstrong you wouldn't recite that Sinclair Broadcasting script? Oh, nothing. Sinclair sued me for everything I own, that's all. But the joke's on them: I've set up different LLC's for every aspect of my life. So all they could get were the assets of the LLC that they paid. This opens up a whole world of possibilities. I knew forming Rudy-has-next-to-nada LLC was a good idea. I am going to miss my ten cents and my broken wiffle ball, though.

The Staff Meeting.

'Well - there's your problem. You can't upgrade the system without upgrading the staff.'

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

'Technically, you do qualify for five weeks of vacation, but your request for 35 Sundays off has to go under review.'

"Now, now, let's try using our NPR voice."

"Testing the "I could do this job in my sleep" theory."

Caveman Sticky Notes

"I forgot to call in dead."

'His last breakthrough came in a dream.'

"Cutting off the nose to spite the face."

Musical notes F-A-C-E between lines on musical scale

'If I work at home and I'm sick, do I have to go to the office?'

Wii Childbirth

"I gave up smoking to annoy my wife by living longer."

Excuses to not go to work - 'Dial An Excuse'

'I need a sick note to cover me for the London Olympics.'

Sniff

"The Doctor here is an expert at hot-wiring the consumer brain."

"I'm using sticky notes to identify areas in my life that can be improved. This one says I need five bucks to buy more sticky notes."

'Going anywhere nice on your sick leave this year sir ?'

"Going anywhere nice on your sick leave this year sir?"

"Well, it's logical: we're not really strong like wolves or hounds, so we need to use our brains..."

'Is this the smoking area?'