Sick Note Strategist Pillows

'How come every time there's a big cricket match on, your granny wants you to take her to the doctor?' - 'Do you think she's faking it?'

"Here's the deal, throw me back and I won't text your boss telling him you called in sick to fish."

Bad times to sneeze

"If I've timed this right, symptoms should start at exactly 9 a.m. Monday."

"When you have my schedule, you need large sticky notes."

"Have you ever had one of those days when it would have been easier just to do some work?"

'Can't come in to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty bug.'

Sleeping at the computer.

Facebookie - Odds on boss catching you wasting time

'According to your resume, you have unusual organizational techniques.'

'Well - there's your problem. You can't upgrade the system without upgrading the staff.'

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

'Technically, you do qualify for five weeks of vacation, but your request for 35 Sundays off has to go under review.'

"Now, now, let's try using our NPR voice."

"Testing the "I could do this job in my sleep" theory."

Caveman Sticky Notes

"Cutting off the nose to spite the face."

'His last breakthrough came in a dream.'

"I forgot to call in dead."

'If I work at home and I'm sick, do I have to go to the office?'

Wii Childbirth

Excuses to not go to work - 'Dial An Excuse'

'I need a sick note to cover me for the London Olympics.'

"I gave up smoking to annoy my wife by living longer."

"Well, it's logical: we're not really strong like wolves or hounds, so we need to use our brains..."

"I'm using sticky notes to identify areas in my life that can be improved. This one says I need five bucks to buy more sticky notes."

'Going anywhere nice on your sick leave this year sir ?'

"The Doctor here is an expert at hot-wiring the consumer brain."

"Going anywhere nice on your sick leave this year sir?"

'Is this the smoking area?'

'I won't be in to work today... I woke up with a bug.'