Sibling With A Child Gifts

"Just wait 'til I've read this book."

At the Museum

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

Boy and Bear and Monster

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'Don't be embarrassed by your anti-barking collar, implanted tracking chip, and GPS device. Just think of them as fashion accessories.'

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

'Nope. I didn't see any dogfish.'

"You're never a superhero in your own backyard."

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

'They're dog roses!'

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

"I don't care if you saw this in a western..."

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

Pet Entertainers

"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."

'I've been told before that I'm very mature for a three year old.'

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

"Cat-astrophic Trifecta" "I pooped in Mona's Jimmy Choo handbag." "I knocked over grampa's ashes." "I buried a Barbie in the litter box."

"Better luck next time, kid."

'Now, you're new here, but you should know the rules: I get Master's newspaper and slippers! Got that?'

Snowman

The Charge of the Kids

'Oh that just means he wants you to rub his tummy.'

6th Grade Do-You-Own Research Fair

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

'I've been watering myself by taking showers. How come I'm not growing as tall as your plants?'

A balloon vendor hands a child his only 'good' face out of many,less than desireable faces.

When Dogs Rule

"Look, you got mail! Press the 'fetch' key."

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."