Shrub Stylist Mugs

A topiary doghouse

Topiary chair.

'You're not CAPABILITY Brown, are you?'

Doing the borders.

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'What's holding him up?'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

Redecorating Easter Island.

The Organic

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

"We have a new line of designer hedge funds...the Topiary Group."

'You've taken that handlebar mustache too far.'

Facial hair continental drift.

'Please excuse my nurse -- this is her first day on the job.'

'It's good that you're taking vitamins... but you need to stop BUTTERING them.'

'Dan sculpted the shrubs to look like hunters to keep the deer from eating them.'

The Burbs

"Ok, first off... ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to do anything right?"

"Honey,...Oscar wants to go for a walk."

'Say, when did you last cut your toenails?'

"I just had these linen scrubs dry-cleaned!"

'It's easy to follow the No Deodorant Kid.'

Decorator Farming

A Gardener's Self-Portrait

'Wow, you got Bob! Lucky you, he's definitely the best shearer around!'

"Well, from what I heard, he was a dog-groomer before he became a shearer..."

'Short back and sides please'

Topiary chicken lays an egg.

"Peter went in last Sunday to prune...but I haven't seen him since"

"Please excuse him...interns always worry patients don't think they're real doctors!"

'Forget it, I don't support them anymore.'

"I hope I don't get any tanning lines."

"You have no idea how long it takes him to wash his hair."

'Shaving takes years off you.'

'Sarah, meet my carpool - mouth wash, hair spray and after shave.'