Showtime Chef Pillows

Anton Mosimann

Meet Me Outside St. Louis

We saw this episode of Grey's Anatony, I recognize the symptoms.

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

Keith Floyd.

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

Will work for Food Network.

Woman reads Nigella Lawson cook book: 'Add butter to the mixture, remembering to moisten your lips ... whisk for three to four minutes, pouting throughout ...'

"Step right up, lady and gents, and scoop yourself a heaping helping of the best spicy meat and bean stew this side of the mighty Mississippi!"

Newborn sees his new father viewing him in hospital nursery thinks "Showtime.".

'Have you been using that Hairy Bikers cookbook again'

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

It's a Gordon Ramsay recipe, so if you don't ****** like it you can ******* off.

'And stir to a smooth consistency.'

"Charles please! Not a slice and dice movie."

'There's a Mr. Oliver to see you. Says he can save the world.'

My Cauldron Rules

'Not only do you need a good dish to win on this cooking show, you need a good story!'

Here's one I made earlier.

"Why always a book report? Why not ever a TV show report?"

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

'For this dish we're going to need two bottles of good quality red wine. And that's before we even start cooking.'

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

Gordon Ramsay

'Gentlemen, put your money away. When it comes to killing TV chefs, I work for free.'

The Picture of Mary Berry

"I'd rather be seared by Emeril than sauteed by Rachel."

Nigella Lawson

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

Master Chef