Showbiz Guru T-Shirts

'So, apart from the literary reference, that's it, is it?'

'That's the best advice you got? There's no business like show business?'

Showbiz Awards

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

Time Machine Collision

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

"He's gonna be in and out for a while, so we should write something funny on his forehead."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

'And, for the student with the most hits on his or her Facebook page, the award goes to Lisa Skemley!'

Vanna White: The Later Years.

Succession 2

Music Hall Dancers

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

"Is it 'Measure once, cut twice?' Or 'Cut once, then measure?' Or maybe it's..."

Toenail clipping missile.

After I crossed the road, I began to ask myself why I did anything.

'OK, one more time. The first 'Star Wars' movie was 'Star Wars: IV'.'Star Wars:V' was the second movie...'

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

'I don't mind playing dead. But what I would really like to do is direct.'

West End Shows closing - box office piled high with boxes.

Boarway Show

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

"Yes, Your Honor. I am Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

'You showbiz types can never make intelligent conversation!'

Live the Dream!

'He's a square!'

"You may now phony show-biz kiss the bride."

"When I was a teenager 'Saturday Night Live' had Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Phil Hartman..."

"When the boss says jump, I say how high."

TV Producers Workshop. The first goal of a series to avoid cancellation long enough to issue a DVD set. Get boxed before you get canned!

"It's not easy being green…"

'Just decaning the wine, Dear; I'll be in, in a sec. Someone's at the door; and oh, yeah, the dog needs to be let in.'

"Looks like Broadway's back."