Show Performer Pillows

"Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl..."

Shelly and Marv took Most Hirsute Husband for the third year running with their sensational 'scrub the floor' routine.

A-Hem! I'm still singing here!

A dance line of women is lined up as a firing squad to kill me with their shoes.

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

They hated me.

Showbiz Awards

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

Pirate

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"We're following Carrot Top."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Cow Show Tunes

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

George Michael

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

"I'm the only sane artist in the world."

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

Jazz is Invented

"I can't believe he brought her."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

Silly wig.

Clown waits for 'Happy Hour' to begin.