Shopfitter T-Shirts

"Shopfitter? Oh, I thought it was an ad for a shoplifter."

'Can't you workmen use the canteen for your tea break ?'

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

Cut Price

'A cousin to the hammerhead, here we see the allusive, yet, handy, multi-use shark.'

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

"Our business is based on breakthroughs."

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

A crab with a utility knife claw

Stationery Shop

"Everything's gone up."

'What distinguishes man from the lower animals is the ability to make tools.'

'I'm counter - intelligence'

"I'd say business was brisk."

Orderly Conduct of Sales

Where Ignorance is Bliss.

SupermarketAwful Market.

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

We Never Look at Prices Shop.

'Buy two pounds and I'll throw in the sword.'

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

'It's the same EVERY year... 5 minutes to midnight; victims are all male, and they're carrying large sums of money.'

Daniel Day Lewis & George Glasgow

"Are you mad with us, Mrs. Bimmelman?"

'Where do you keep the elbow-grease?'

'Uh-oh.'

"Ah! I see you've found a cold beer to your liking, sir."

"I often think of the 'Hereafter'. When I'm shopping I'm always asking myself 'What am I here after?'"

Marketing - Learn from customers' buying patterns...

Down on Her.

"Ooh look, the high street's evolved to survive!"

Organic foods stand manned by stallholder using fly spray.

'Two large ones when you're ready please barkeeper'

The Shoemaker's Appendectomy

'They're pinching my toes!'