Shoe Skeptic Pillows

"She's not the perfect wife, but at least she's not always buying shoes."

"I stand corrected."

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

"It's a self-driving skateboard."

Support Group for high heels abandoned during the pandemic

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"I know it's tough to get motivated on Mondays, but..."

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

"I'd pack light if it wasn't for the shoes."

'They're pinching my toes!'

'This associate has a first rate mind...and a third rate suit.'

Social distance queue starts here

'You're never going to win any race in those platform shoes.'

"Someone's been sending me J. Crew catalogues."

'At least we don't have to worry about getting those as gifts.'

"I know they're expensive, Evelyn, but like the saying goes...If the Jimmy Choos fit, wear them!"

Airport Security. I had to go through the security pat-down three times --- They had trouble believing this is just my body and I'm not hiding anything.

"Psst. . . fancy shoe sales are down. Can you make Crocs instead?"

'I felt an overwhelming nostalgia for the old video games where you sit on your arse.'

'No, it's not a spit polish. I just really hate your shoes.'

'if your wife ever asks you to meet her at Pilates...don't! It's not a pizzeria.'

'A girl can never have too many shoes.'

"No no no! Stripes are soooo half-past four!"

'When we said 'One size fits all' we didn't mean all at the same time.'

How to dress for forty below...if you're over forty, or under twenty.

"You just poke some twigs into some bark, and voila!"

'Careful Sid. They may be comfortable but you'll look ridiculous.'

'Seventy three percent of statistics are made up on the spot.'

"Yes... I'd like to cancel my membership to the company fitness program immediately."

"Wise up. You and me do not make a ferret craze."

'Bud's body is in a pretty good shape; it's his mind that needs work.'

I'm a 10.5. What, litres?

'You need an exercise program other than bar-hopping.'