Shoe Clerk Gifts

'Do me a favour, your bunions alone are size nine.'

'You asked for a shoe horn.'

'Now let's force these on for size,modom...'

'I'm a 10 12.' - 'What, litres?'

'How do they feel?'

'This little piggy went to market...this little piggy stayed home...and this...'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"Will you be taking these home or chewing them right here?"

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

Mister Pretty Shoes

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

"Where can I find the lefts?"

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

"Would you like to try them out?"

'No, I'm afraid we don't have calendars in dog-years.'

"Your receipt is also available in a choice of colors."

We stock ALL sizes...

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

"Do you have a shoe for roaming and prowling?"

'You mean that I have to carry them to my car?'

'They're bound to hurt at first.'

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

'For us, buying shoes is like buying one drink with two straws, hahaha!'

'I want to return this wallet. I can't seem to keep any money in it.'

'I think they make my feet look too small.'

How much would you take off for cash?

"Do you carry any shampoos that have been tested on little kittens?"

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"What's wrong with you? This isn't what I want! Do you know what you're doing? Can you get me a smarter clerk?"

"And the best feature of this shoe is you'll look Athletic even if you're not."

Do It Yourself Stores: Help Wanted

'I think I see your problem. You didn't use the swear words listed in the assembly instructions.'