Sheryl Crow Fans Pillows

"You're refusing to hold hands with me? But we've been dating for weeks! What's changed you all of a sudden?" "It became more and more obvious what a big Cheryl Crow fan you are! That's what!"

"Elementary, my dear Watson- the cartoonist did it."

"Yes, I'm sure. The dragon I saw was quite a bit bigger."

Scarecrows guarding a field

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

'Don't ask questions, Ralph, just tell me who you'd rather look like - Sean Connery or Robert Redford.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"He's sulking because I always beat him at Clue ... "

Hollywood or bust!

"How is it that Mick Jagger still has the energy to be Mick Jagger, but you're exhausted just from being you?"

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

"One day he went for a swim in our infinity pool, and I haven't seen him since."

"You know, he's not nearly as scary close up!"

"When I was a teenager 'Saturday Night Live' had Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Phil Hartman..."

Elton John

Rachel Anne McAdams caricature

'I like the look of the sherry trifle.'

"Kanye's changing his name. I'm thinking he should go by Cra Z."

Dua Lipa caricature

Principal about Justin Bieber Junior High school: 'I was against letting the students name the school.'

'Yes, the walls ARE thin, but you'll be happy to know a world-famous rapper lives in the next unit.'

David Letterman

Madonna

Bling Crosby.

Plankton impersonator gets stuck in a whale.

'Really? -- I'd always assumed that Elton John was one of us.'

Antonio Banderas

"I think I'd rather wait till Benedict Cumberbatch does the audiobook."

Stephen Fry

Elvis fans

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

Amy Schumer

Aesop's Fables: The Fox and the Crow

". . . But, hey, man, I just want to say this in all sincerity, man, that you are the greatest, man, you the el numero uno cat in my book, man you. . ."