Shaving Escapist Pillows

He freed himself from the misery of shaving...

"I didn't finish the proof but I did write this poem about my struggle."

Bo're'droom

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

"Could I please go back to the rack now?"

'I was so angry, I got up and tip-toed out of the meeting. I probably should've stomped.'

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

"I'm not lazy. I'm resting before I get tired."

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

Fish talking in a bar - one has a heap of hooks hanging out of his head 'And you must be the one who got away?'

'-but surely it's unusual to have nightmares with COMMERCIALS?'

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

Man trapped in bubble from bubble bath.

"And in order to align the designated objectives withthe fiscally driven cross functional departmental...did you understand any of that?" "Only the blah! blah! bit."

"No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?"

"Now we'll all close our eyes and cover our ears, and the person who took the four hundred and twenty-eight million dollars will put it back."

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

Man opens front door to find he's up in clouds.

Meeting to determinet non-essential personnel.

No, I distinctly heard a "soo-wee" ringtone.

Dangerous tax audits.

"I think my life would have been played better set against a Roaring Twenties or Civil War background."

"Mr. Cogdill said he won't be in today because it's 'National I Hate My Job Day'."

Lady holding ballot paper tries to find voting booth.

"Meet my cats - Step Over Me, Dust Around Me, and Sit Somewhere Else."

Message in a bottle.

'If you keep running away, son, you'll never make it through your formative years.'

A giveaway tan line...

They were out of bagels...

"No, we have not booked a table. But, we brought our own!"

"Yo've got to be more specific, Ed. Wake you when what's over?"

'A lovely area, but not enough waiters!'