Shares Savant Pillows

'I don't believe in hoarding cash and gold Dad: I invest in shares online...'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

Fred interpreted the word compact as a verb, not as an adjective.

'We need people who dream the impossible dreams - like pensions and health care.'

"Ultimately, we realized we share too many app subscriptions not to make it work."

"Up market, down market - he's still the same old curmudgeon."

"In an unexpected development, the market behaved rationally today."

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

'Get me some shares in public opinion.'

'In the belief that no news is good news, today's financial report has been cancelled.'

A statue of a businessman in a park with an inscription that reads "Outperformed the market".

"Subtracting net cash brings the P/E down to 47, and, finally, crossing out the 4 brings it down to a very reasonable P/E of 7."

'No doubt about it, John, zero does represent a critical support level for this stock.'

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

'Tech stocks performed better today after the market was defragged.'

'Today, stocks rose on the news that the more people have, the more they want.'

Company Share Price - "The god news is we've become a very attractive takeover target, sir."

'While your word is your bond, at this point it's a junk bond.'

"Today stocks rose on the news that 'down' is a temporary state of mind."

'Now might be a good time to interject the GOOD news to the stockholders!'

Man climbing line chart, planting profit flag.

"Today big pharma stocks rose on news 'down' is a state of mind that can be treated by pharmaceuticals."

Piggy Bank ATM

'Can Mr. Sloan call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

'Sometimes I think the market is trying to tell us something, Ferguson...'

"The stocks rally wavered on news Janet Yellen sounded greenspanish."

"House red, sir?"

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

'US stocks dropped on news of more people buying cheap goods from China...'

'Stocks fell on the perception that stocks would fall on the perception that stocks were falling.'

'We need to schedule an autopsy audit to find out what happened here.'